didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
