I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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