We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
