he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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