I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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