I wish my penis had an off switch
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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