You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
