woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
