That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
