i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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