Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
