So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
