I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
