I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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