I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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