idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
