It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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