whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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