Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
