my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
