Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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