the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
