i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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