Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
