Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(620): View more from Kansas

Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.

(1-620): View more from Kansas

No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

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(518): View more from New York

I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide

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(704): View more from North Carolina

he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

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(678): View more from Georgia

He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.

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(512): View more from Texas

Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts

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(989): View more from Michigan

I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.

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