So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
