no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
