I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
