so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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