I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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