Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
