Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
