This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
