My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i out mim tonsoeep
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