i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's always time for handjobs
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
