he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
