I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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