He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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