Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
