Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done

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(217): View more from Illinois

Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.

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(512): View more from Texas

There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I cannot FaceTime with your penis

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(213): View more from California

I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.

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(303): View more from Colorado

WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?

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(716): View more from New York

This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.

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