Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
