So drunk its hurt
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
