She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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