Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
