oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
