I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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