I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
