We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
