I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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