we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
