You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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