Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
