I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
