I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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