It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
