I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
