You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the day after is always just damage control
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
