I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
