I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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