Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
