Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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