You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
