Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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