I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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