Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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