i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
