Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
