I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
