Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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