I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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