He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
