I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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