Just cropdusted the office
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
