His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
