I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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