If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
