Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
