so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
