I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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