why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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